Well, I had one feeling. I enjoyed being together with him. I did want to see him every day. I enjoyed our times together. We never told anything to our friend that didn't want us to be together. I was ashamed. I had broke a trust. But I could do nothing. Cause I didn't think there was nothing wrong other than I had been with one of his friends that he did not want me to be with....yeah....it was not right...
But it was so right!
I had a friend over with her boyfriend, or if they were married already then...anyway. They stayed at my place. We met A, I called him. We even went out together to the nightclub. When coming home we went via the grill to pick something to eat. Me and A shared one dish, they were that big. That grill is no longer there. We missed it when it closed.
We sat on one bench, talking, laughing, eating. Then we said good night, I went with my friends and he went home. They started to asked me about him. They told me that I love him. I laughed and told them they were crazy. I did my very best to actually keep the subject away. But they did not give up! They claimed that they saw it from the way we were kissing in the line to get food. Were we kissing? I'd say no! I didn't kiss him outside before I was certain of the way I felt about him. ...or did I??
What they said got to me. I could not love him! How can I not know that I love him?? I had tried to figure out a way to end this before it got to serious. I wanted to end it, but I did not want him to he hurt, I wanted him to realize himself that I was not the girl for him! Oh the methods I tried!
Once I hurt him so bad! I hurt him so bad, that I realized I never ever wanted to see him that hurt! But if I would not have, I would not have known how that made me feel, so I do not know if that was just something we had to live through. The solutions to the problems I gave him was just awesome! But could it really be true that I love him without even knowing?
I looked through the pictures I had of him, and all of a sudden there is a picture of me.....with eyes sparkling in a way that I look like I am the most happiest woman on earth. I look at the picture. And I know, A is the one taking the picture. I realize that when he tells me "You don't look at anybody else the way you look at me" is true. I can no longer answer "I can't look at you anyway else, I look at everybody the same!". Because I have never, never ever seen myself that happy.
Finally, when I sit in his lap, with arms around him. Not thinking about anything. The thought runs through my head, so fast that I even open my eyes in surprise. The feeling is so strong and so true.
I LOVE YOU and I am never letting you go! You are the best thing that have ever happened to me!
The journey with you is filled with rocks and stoned, sometimes we fall, sometimes we have to turn around to find another way. But we will not get lost. We will find the way to be together.
Because a feeling this strong. Happens once in a lifetime. IF you are lucky.
I am lucky you are stubborn and knew what you wanted and what you felt, when I was still struggling in the dark and could not see what I had right in front of my eyes.
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