I did not say that I wanted to go talk to my ex, I only said that I wanted to go upstairs for a while. My friends had just sat down at a table, so it was the perfect time for me to sneak away for a couple of minutes to talk to my ex and then come back. What I did not plan was that A would reply that he is coming with me. I got surprised. I froze. I thought about the fact that me and my ex had just separated some months ago, I thought about the fact that he might not want to see me with another man, together with him or not. At least not yet. No alternatives made it through my brain. And I realized I have to say something, so I said "Okay", then we turned and walked upstairs. So many things went through my head, but going upstairs and showing myself with a strange man, NOT greeting my ex would be even worse, so I came up, went straight to my ex and said hi, then I turned to A and introduced my ex "This is my ex" I turned to my ex and introduced A. A left us and went a couple of meters away. Of course my ex had something funny to say about A (and it wasn't bad, I even told A about it right away when I went back to him) and we chatted for a couple of minutes. Then I said I need to go back to A. We went together downstairs and back to our friends. I wanted to dance, so I asked my friend, B, to dance. He didn't want to, so I begged again. He still did not want to so he said just dance with A, he likes to dance! I looked at A, I looked at B....B did not want me to be together with A...I was confused. I looked at A and grabbed his arm and asked him to come dance with me.
We danced, and I realized that he kept an eye on our friend, cause he also knew he did not want us to be together. This just made him even more interesting. I forgot about the fact that I do not want a relationship.
Later in the evening I saw a girl that I knew was under aged. I told the guards about it and she got thrown out. After that I was alone at the dance-floor cause nobody was in the mood to dance. Suddenly a girl appears in front of me, the sister to the under aged one. She was intimidation, she threatened me. I tried to stay calm, but my stomach was a mess, I was scared. The only thing I could do was to stand there and listen to her, trying to talk to her and try to calm her down. I do not know if there was even anybody else around. She calms down a bit but she leaves me with another If I ever talk bad about her sister again she will kill me!
I was left at the dance floor. I had lost my want to dance. I was shaking. I turned and walked to the table where my friends were. I needed to tell them what had happened. I was almost there when somebody grabbed my arm, I spinned around and I look into A:s eyes as he asks me what happened. I was surprised. He had from a distance realized I was not okay. I do not know if he saw me on the dance floor or if he just saw me coming. I could right away tell what had happened to somebody that actually cared. He was not happy to hear what had happened.
I went to the guards to see if they remember that under aged girl so that she will not come in ever again. They said they do. I told them good, cause the sister threatened me to death. The guard was chocked. Well, she needs to be trowed out too, cause that is illegal treating. (Is there any legal threatening?).
She was finally found and trowed out. And I did not need to point her out. She got to know a different reason why she was trowed out.
It didn't take long before a girl arrived to out table. I got introduced and she leaned in, just as she recognized me and asked me to come and talk to her. I saw no reason not to, so I let her lead me away. I had taken about 2 steps when A grabbed me again and asked what was going on (he knew I did not know this girl), she assured him that it was okay, and I said that I was okay, so he let me go, but he was not happy about it.
I talked to the girl and it turned out that she wanted me to come explain something to the guards. I didn't understand everything, but I agreed. I came outside and stood eye to eye with the girl that wanted to kill me! Seeing her again made me take one step back! I was scared! That was my first reaction! I told myself I can be calm, I was surrounded with 3 guard. So when she saw me and came towards me I took a deep breath and went to her.
She asked me to explain to the guards that I did not call her a bitch! I was surprised (again) for a moment, then I found myself and said, no, you did not call me a bitch, you said that you would kill me, that is worse! She talked to me for a while, tried to get me to talk to the guards to let her back in. I told her I do not have the power to change their decision. Finally she apologized (but not let back in) and I accepted her apology. As I talk to her I happened to look through the door. And who is there to make sure that I am alright...A.
When I come back inside, he is tired of dancing and wants us to sit down. He sits in the couch with his arm along the back of the couch. I look at the arm, I think about what it would mean to sit next to him, with his arm behind me. I smile and I sit down next to him. He informs me that he will walk me home, to make sure that I arrive home safely. He tells me "Jag älskar dig"
I ask him if he knows what it means. He tells me yes, it means "I love you"
I accept that he loves me. But I am still scared. I am not ready for this kind of love. The kind that is 24/7 even when we are not even together.
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