I do not have a problem to go in between fights. If somebody is fighting, I can intervene. Usually I do not do much more than step between. Usually that is the only thing needed.
That is not true for all situations.
Sometimes the parties do not care that somebody comes between. And during those times I could get hurt.
As my father said once, I am like my mother. When I was created, the fear was forgotten.
Last time I was in a fight, or in-between a fight, I did get hurt. I realize it was more than I could handle. But I wasn't afraid. Usually when everything is over and the adrenalin wears off I start shaking, it did not happen.
I am not proud, I don't regret it, I am not happy about it, I am not sad about it, but if I could go back in time, I would not do it differently. Oh yeah, I know what I could do differently, I will not go into details, but I know what I should have done to not get hurt. But that was so unpredictable, I would probably do the same next time anyway.
Still, I am told I can not do the same in another country, the country in my heart. And I will trust the person who told me that, cause he knows the temper of the people there better than I do, and even though the temper in these cold latitudes are lower, we can still get such a hot temper that we end up hurting each other.
I know! I have that temper in me, but I don't hurt anything that is alive. My worst lost of temper was when I was about 18 years, and the victim was my sister. She made me so angry I saw red! I have never in my life, before or after, been that angry. I did not think, I picked up a shoe (the thing closest to me), I pulled my arm back and for a split second I realized what I was doing and as I threw the shoe at her I fixed the throw so that it did not hit her, but at the couch where she was sitting.
I saw the fear in her eyes, I saw the chocked faces of my parents, but I did not care. I went to my room. She did apologize for what she did to make me that furious, and I leaned that I have to keep my head clear and never let the red take over. And yes of course, my parents came talking to me about my behavior.
So I'd say no, it is not different in different countries. But of course, if it is people with higher temper, of course the fights will be more higher.
Sunday, 21 April 2013
Friday, 19 April 2013
To apply for a visa
To go to the country that is closest to my heart I need to have a visa. The question how it is possible that it is closest to my heart??
I live my everyday life, I do what I have to do, I live my days the way that I want, work, entertainment, friends... I sit down and stop thinking. I let my thoughts wander. Maybe I am on a break, maybe I am using the toilet.. when I return to reality, I really do return to reality! Sometimes I am so dislocated that I don't even know in which country I am, cause when I look at the walls around me, they are not the walls I was seeing when I want looking outside me, inside, in my mind, I saw different walls. I was in a different country...
But back to the visa. I need to apply for a visa. People kept telling me that I will get my visa, it is given to me, I do not need to worry! But if there is anything that I have learned during these past 2 years, NEVER take anything for granted! NEVER live fully in your dreams, remember to keep both feet on the ground, cause if you fall, you will not get as hurt as if you were out in outer-space when beginning to fall. And the higher up in your dreams you are, the more harder the ground will feel when you hit it.
So I looked up on the internet how to apply. I took the visa application form. I filled it in truthfully. Started to surf around on their homepage to know what else I need to attach. I remembered some, I need to have a letter of invitation, stating where I will stay and also that my husband is responsible for me during my stay... Why? Why can I not be responsible for myself?? I understand that this country is dangerous, and it is better for me if I have somebody that takes care of me. But putting the responsibility of me and my health in the arms of somebody else? Isn't that too much to ask for? How can a person handle that responsibility? I understand the mixed feelings my husband must feel when I come. I would be happier if he would not have to have the responsibility of me on him. Because I am an unpredictable woman, I don't think twice, dare me and I will try it! But, maybe it is good, good that he has responsibility over me, because I can not do what I want, I HAVE TO consider that if I am stupid enough to get hurt, the blame will not only be mine. It will also be his...and I would NEVER want to put that on him!
Other than the invitation letter I need to put the receipt that I have payed the visa fee and the administration fee.... This is the part I hate the most. Not only cause the cost of a visa, but because it is to be payed to a Swedish account, and to transfer from Finland to Sweden is expensive....after this time I actually opened a Swedish account so that I can pay directly from Sweden next time.
I also need to put a envelope which my address so that it can be sent back to me. And of course I need to pay the postal fee. Plus I need to put two resent passport size photos. ...did I forget anything? Oh yeah! My passport! Of course!
I had a list that I printed out from the internet where I checked and double checked everything. I then brought everything to the post office and there I checked and double checked it again!
Then I let go of my letter. I had sent everything and could only count on the post delivering it to the right address in time. Why in time? Cause going to this country was not planned that very long. It was a decision made by to people who has been away from each other for too long and that realized if I don't travel now, I travel in September/November....and I do not want to wait another day!
I went home and I waited. I checked the tracking code that it has arrived. I called the embassy. They did not have it. They did tell me to have patience and asked me to call back in three working days. I did, the only information I wanted was to know that my passport is with them and not missing. The lady that answered told me that she had seen the passport, she was looking for it, and as she was looking I calmed down, it has reached them. She then told me that it has already been sent back to me the same morning!
So then again, I started to wait. I talked to my husband, and we planned nothing. We did not plan which dates I should arrive, only the ones we had decided very quick for the visa application, but they were not confirmed without the visa. One day went by, the next day, I went to the post office both days to see if they have anything for me. They had nothing.... I went home, disappointed. I wanted to know the answer... when I arrive home I see a letter on my floor. A letter with my own writing!
I looked at the letter. It took less than one second before I got what the letter was containing! I closed the door and sat down directly on the floor with all my clothes on and opened the letter send from the embassy of Nigeria. I took my passport out and open it. I got so happy to see the visa inside!
Directly I called my husband, unfortunately he didn't pick it, so I even forgot to tell him later when I was talking with him! I only informed him that I am sending the money for my booking. He asked why I want to send it direct and I realized, I hadn't even told him yet!
I live my everyday life, I do what I have to do, I live my days the way that I want, work, entertainment, friends... I sit down and stop thinking. I let my thoughts wander. Maybe I am on a break, maybe I am using the toilet.. when I return to reality, I really do return to reality! Sometimes I am so dislocated that I don't even know in which country I am, cause when I look at the walls around me, they are not the walls I was seeing when I want looking outside me, inside, in my mind, I saw different walls. I was in a different country...
But back to the visa. I need to apply for a visa. People kept telling me that I will get my visa, it is given to me, I do not need to worry! But if there is anything that I have learned during these past 2 years, NEVER take anything for granted! NEVER live fully in your dreams, remember to keep both feet on the ground, cause if you fall, you will not get as hurt as if you were out in outer-space when beginning to fall. And the higher up in your dreams you are, the more harder the ground will feel when you hit it.
So I looked up on the internet how to apply. I took the visa application form. I filled it in truthfully. Started to surf around on their homepage to know what else I need to attach. I remembered some, I need to have a letter of invitation, stating where I will stay and also that my husband is responsible for me during my stay... Why? Why can I not be responsible for myself?? I understand that this country is dangerous, and it is better for me if I have somebody that takes care of me. But putting the responsibility of me and my health in the arms of somebody else? Isn't that too much to ask for? How can a person handle that responsibility? I understand the mixed feelings my husband must feel when I come. I would be happier if he would not have to have the responsibility of me on him. Because I am an unpredictable woman, I don't think twice, dare me and I will try it! But, maybe it is good, good that he has responsibility over me, because I can not do what I want, I HAVE TO consider that if I am stupid enough to get hurt, the blame will not only be mine. It will also be his...and I would NEVER want to put that on him!
Other than the invitation letter I need to put the receipt that I have payed the visa fee and the administration fee.... This is the part I hate the most. Not only cause the cost of a visa, but because it is to be payed to a Swedish account, and to transfer from Finland to Sweden is expensive....after this time I actually opened a Swedish account so that I can pay directly from Sweden next time.
I also need to put a envelope which my address so that it can be sent back to me. And of course I need to pay the postal fee. Plus I need to put two resent passport size photos. ...did I forget anything? Oh yeah! My passport! Of course!
I had a list that I printed out from the internet where I checked and double checked everything. I then brought everything to the post office and there I checked and double checked it again!
Then I let go of my letter. I had sent everything and could only count on the post delivering it to the right address in time. Why in time? Cause going to this country was not planned that very long. It was a decision made by to people who has been away from each other for too long and that realized if I don't travel now, I travel in September/November....and I do not want to wait another day!
I went home and I waited. I checked the tracking code that it has arrived. I called the embassy. They did not have it. They did tell me to have patience and asked me to call back in three working days. I did, the only information I wanted was to know that my passport is with them and not missing. The lady that answered told me that she had seen the passport, she was looking for it, and as she was looking I calmed down, it has reached them. She then told me that it has already been sent back to me the same morning!
So then again, I started to wait. I talked to my husband, and we planned nothing. We did not plan which dates I should arrive, only the ones we had decided very quick for the visa application, but they were not confirmed without the visa. One day went by, the next day, I went to the post office both days to see if they have anything for me. They had nothing.... I went home, disappointed. I wanted to know the answer... when I arrive home I see a letter on my floor. A letter with my own writing!
I looked at the letter. It took less than one second before I got what the letter was containing! I closed the door and sat down directly on the floor with all my clothes on and opened the letter send from the embassy of Nigeria. I took my passport out and open it. I got so happy to see the visa inside!
Directly I called my husband, unfortunately he didn't pick it, so I even forgot to tell him later when I was talking with him! I only informed him that I am sending the money for my booking. He asked why I want to send it direct and I realized, I hadn't even told him yet!
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