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Oh those butterflies!

Right now (it is 12 june 2014) I am having so much butterflies in my stomach! Oh mu God! I haven't seen my husband in over a year, and the day after tomorrow I will be in his arms again! Calm on the outside, crazy on the inside! That is how I am! 

I don't want to tell that I am going. I have my own reasons. One of them is I know people worry too much. Although, this time I got greetings for my husband from most of the people that know I am travelling, so it's easier for me also.

I have everything packed and ready...I hope! I have my visa in my passport, I have my money on my account tomorrow (my pay). I have my small wallet lost! I have no idea where it has gone! It was here yesterday! Goog timing...at least I still know where my passport is! Otherwise I would be in BIG trouble! ...(yes....I am checking it once more now!)

I am going with the day ferry to Stockholm tomorrow. From there I will take a plane to Amsterdam and from there off to Lagos. 

Oh those butterflies! 

Still having some time to prepare my home for me being away. Am only going to stay a week, so by the time I post this I am already back home :)

To travel - destination Nigeria

Before travelling there are some things you need to remember. First of all I do not know if I would travel to Nigeria alone. Ever! 

You need to have all the vaccinations in order. I have tetanus, yellow fever, hepatitis and new for this time is cholera. It is also recommended to have vaccine against malaria. Non of these are cheap, so do not wait until last minute to get them. That is true for where ever you go and need to have vaccines. And please make sure to check before you take them that you will actually get them all before you travel. Hepatitis was 6 months before I had all shots, I think. 

Going to Nigeria is also going to a country where you need a visa. That means going to the nearest embassy, or the nearest embassy homepage is enough to check how to apply for a visa. That is also true for where ever you travel. At least I suppose so. And keep in mind that it will take some time before the visa gets back. 

The country of my destinations embassy is in Stockholm, so not that far away. Which is nice. Still another country, so it is some problems with payment and such.

Make sure to check how much luggage you can bring and which measurements are allowed. I have arrived to the airport and had to reorganize my bags since one was too heavy and the other was smaller. They didn't weigh them together, they weigh them separately....which became too much. Not fun to stress with that on an airport, I tell you! Or the hand luggage is taken away from you because it is too big. Not fun either. And it cost me 200 € that time. Not money well spent.

All set, I think! I hope I have everything! Some small things that I might survive without but is nice to have. A book to read, is one. 

Double check! Passport, visa (is in the passport!), yellow fever card, bank card, plane ticket.....check! Now I just wait!

I am in a bubble

I am here. Where I have been for so many months. I never counted the time. It is time that is going on while I am not aware of it. Biking home one day last week I was thinking how long I have been away from my love. I realized. It must be 3 months. 3 months in reality? No, far from it! But I beg of you! Do not tell me the truth! I live in my bubble. And in my bubble time does not pass the way it does outside.

Outside the real life keeps going on. It is said that it has been autumn, we have had Halloween. Yes I was dressed up. But I can do that any regular Monday. The most difficult for me to understand was that Christmas was coming...how can it be Christmas? It is only August? And how did I cope with New Years? That was simple. I was working! Just a regular night at the nightclub.

People at work are getting pretty sick and tired of me singing Jingle bells.The Swedish beginning is "outside snow is falling" what the English version is I have no idea. I am happy for the snow finally arriving! I will probably have Christmas soon. I will wait until I feel I am in the mood.

In the mean time I am experiencing a lack of location. When I lay in my bed at night, ready to sleep. I am not in my bedroom. I am not in this country. I am in a hotel room thousands of kilometers from here. The only thing that keeps me from fading away with my memory is that my apartment is constantly cold. You think?! Not a chance! Because in the hotel room there is an AC and a fan that keeps the room cool on the verge of being cold. I remember the sheets. I remember how it looks. Opening my eyes will not help much. My bedroom lays in darkness.

That is not the only time. Sometimes I drift away. Not in my mind, but in my feeling. I am not here. It's been to long! How can a human survive under such conditions? There is no treat! I have no reason to be afraid. I have no reason to flee my country, my town or my home. But still I live under these conditions.

I am expected to smile. I am expected not to complain. I am expected not to cry. Because that is terrible burden for the people that does not know what to say or how to handle me. Terrible. And I understand. What can anybody say? There is no comfort. No soft words that will lighten my heart.

Only my bubble. Where I do not know where I am or what time has passed. Yesterday I was in Lagos. Sadly I did not see my husband because not even my mind can fool me that much. But being there is comforting, because that means that it was not that long ago that I saw him the last time ♥

If you think I live in a lie and think I should wake up and face the truth.

Please realize that I will be crying my eyes out, I will not be smiling, I have no reason to eat or clean, because all my energy will go to keeping the reality from blowing me into pieces.

I am in a bubble. And the real life is what is going on outside ♥ I wish that sometimes soon the inside of my bubble will match the reality on the outside!

Pray! Keep your thumbs up! Send good wishes! Anything that will send positivity to the world is well valued ♥